ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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