I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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