There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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