This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
