Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Randomize
