I seem to have left my pride at pride
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
