Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
