so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
