were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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