you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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