Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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