he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
