so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
