He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
