Already got asked if we're dating
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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