I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
