well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
