1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
