wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
