just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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