I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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