I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
