An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
