You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
