My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
