Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
