Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We need a shit load of segways right now
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
