Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
