Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
