Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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