wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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