If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The power of my boobs compel you
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
