i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
