I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
