I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
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Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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