sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
