Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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