On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
