How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
