I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
