i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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