maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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