What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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