I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
