I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
