perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
