He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping