There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.