Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm drunk and he's still weird.