i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
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you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.