i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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