I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.