saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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