y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think about you every night.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.