I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
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Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
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you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.