I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?