I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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