so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
