you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
