How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
