Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
