Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
