Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
