i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
