Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
