A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
