I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
