He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
