I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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