the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
