Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I FOUND THE LEGS
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
