My nipple is on Facebook.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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