anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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