I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
