hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
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It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
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I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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