I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
