In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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