stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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