If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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