All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
