Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize