She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
