Pappa wants mamma naked
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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