Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
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She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
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I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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